Life: the skinny version


So that’s all movies really are, the skinny version of real life. As I cycled through a manic neuroses about the fact that I may very well end up alone for the rest of my life, and as mags reassured me that if i want to get married we’ll just head to Oklahoma and find just anyone to marry…We realized that we were having one of those conversations you find in the middle of a movie about the nothingness of being in your mid 20’s. I’ve officially become one of those women who worry about being married by 30…But for the non conventional reasons. I’d like to hurry up and get that first marriage out of the way so that I can move on to my midlife crisis and be that much closer to death. Or out of debt…Whichever comes first. And in the midst of having this conversation—at which one point I did make a point of saying out loud, loud enough for others to hear me and turn to look, “I want Trick Daddy played at my wedding..” God I love saying things so that others will turn and stare—anyway, that in the movie production of my life at this moment my character would be played by Debra messing. Who is Debra messing you might ask…As mags did…The red head off will and grace. Wait! Why would she play me? Because no self respecting black actress would want to star in such an insane roll. I mean, really who wants to represent that kinda lunacy. Elise Neal, Mags says. You know, the woman from the movie “Woman thou art loosed” or better known for her roll as the neglectful, custodian mother in “Set it off.” Yeah, she also looks like weird Ryan’s current fiancee… WHATEVER. Mags will get to be played by Debra Messing because Debs has mastered the roll of quirky sidekick/leading lady. Corey will be played by Sean whateverhisname is aka “just jack.” Angella will be played by well herself, because no one could do it better, and well RJ will be played by…well brad Pitt. And everyone else will be bit players in our larger then life production of Life: The skinny version…Because that’s all movies are in the first place.

I’ve decided to move into a light house and just say there. I’ve also noticed that my stretch marks have made a winged pattern across my back. Goodbye stress snacks…Hello gym. As was my mother’s suggestion. Because the only way to beat stretch marks is to be active. The only way to beat one’s own brain is to be proactive.

Dating is becoming the new blow job….its just what you do instead of hurting someone’s feelings. I don’t know…i just typed that out to shalimar. its based of a margaret cho joke. i feel like if i need to explain it then the funny is just lost…so i won’t.


One response »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s