I was soooo torn between calling this entry “Wellness Wednesday” or the more appropriate “I’m back, Bitches!” because that is exactly how I feel. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh I’m so excited because sooner or later my life will be back in control all because of one little drug and two little consultations. That’s right ladies and gentleman, today’s really good psychiatric appointment ended with me being put back on WELLBUTRIN! Hark, the herald angel sings. Halle-fuckin–llueiah. Jesus! And what is better, it’s the new and improved Wellbutrin XL. Which means instead of having to take two pills a day (which I was never able to do) I only have to take one pill in the morning—which shouldn’t be too much ask. Don’t you know that I’ve been watching the market for years waiting for this to come out and when it arrived like two years ago I just knew it was a matter of time before me and my first love were reunited. Wow…mental clarity shall be mine. Thank, Jesus! Or Dr. Kapotonivich. Okay both.
It was a really good appointment. He’s very easy to talk to and has very good active listening skills. And he, like my therapist, clarified that I wasn’t diagnoses with the last affliction, it was simply a rule out…as in, “keep this in mind just in case I start to notice other behavior that falls under this category.” He agrees that I have some form of depression…I think it was called Dystemia…or something close to it where the depression is pretty low grade but persistent, as in its present for more then two months and is actually present more times then the non depressed days. Which is accurate, because he asked me how often I have these depressive episodes, and I told him…honestly, its been a steady blanket now since college, so four years or more. It doesn’t relent; it just gets worse from time to time which is what he calls “double depression.” Yeah…I was really happy to hear that because I have been reunited with my first love. Anyway, I did realize that my thoughts about love are seriously messed up and that I need help which is why I have a therapist. He asked me what my therapists name was, and I had to spell it out for him because I can’t bring myself to say “Fagenston” because I giggle and feel uncomfortable when I say the word “fag.” And please note, that is her married name… as in she voluntarily chose to have that be her last name. I explained that it was a funny name and I can’t pronounce it…and it made him laugh because he has a Slavic name and he was like “well is my name funny too?” and I said “No…” and I was going to clarify because I’ve heard Slavic names before and kind of get how that pronunciation works…I don’t get how anyone can pronounce ‘Fagenston” without laughing though. Or at least smirking.
Anyway…I’m on the road to recovery which sounds serious but it’s not because I can do anything on Wellbutrin. No, seriously this is how it is. I was talking to a friend from back home who was recently put on Wellbutrin as well, and when she said that I became soooooo jealous. Sigh…now we’re in the same club. YES! Okay, I’m going to take this insanity to the park where I can lay out in the sun and read like a normal person.