It sounds like you want to screw Fight Club Brad Pitt. . .I mean, you didn’t exactly see all the sex in the movie, but you knew it was “I look like my husband beats me, but it’s really just that our sex is so hot” kind of sex” — comment left by Badgirl. That is sooo dead on.
So I went to therapy this morning and we are finally unlocking the treasure chest that is my family. And as I am talking about my family, I start to ask myself this question: what is the point of therapy? I know that the root of my problems stem from my family…but really…I guess it helps to have someone who is a professional help me wade through this mess. It really is becoming an excercise in honesty for me. I’ve played this out so much, that there was a time when I realized that if I don’t stop playing games with my therapists I would never actually get anywhere. Not so much playing games, but not honestly being me, not trusting that I could be honest and open in such a safe space. Its definitely easier now, and better, but I’ve decided that I need to stick to it for a while and more consistently so that I can get to that point where it makes sense.
Oh. I called off coffee last night with M. I told him I had a final to work on. This is true. I still haven’t finished it. I will today after one, because that is when City Confidential will be done. I feel like I should see whats under the surface of this guy but really I don’t know if I have the energy for it. I fucking slept so much yesterday. I think it was becuase I was back in my bed in this nice quiet town.
Is it just me, or are the Gotti Boys just fucking ridiculous? I don’t even watch that show, but I’ve seen commercials…and they are ridiculous. They’re going to become rappers. The state of hip hop is fuckign dire….or is it diar? Did anyone notice my difficulty and inability to spell cuckold correctly last night? Hey, at least I know what it means.
I’m getting my new boobs tonight. Meaning that I was finally able to phone in my prescription and it will be available this evening. HOT! Boob engorgement here I come! At least if I’m nauseous in Vegas it will fit well with the drinking.
Secret: Along with my appetite, I’ve lost my sex drive as well. Except for Brad Pitt…so maybe I haven’t lost my sex drive, its just finally acquired some class and standards. Yea!
I forgot that when you move to Los angeles, looking for an apartment, often also means looking for a fridge. I’m plotting to get my own place by this time next year, or at least october of 2006, and when I do, I will get a mini fridge, because really will I need any more space then that? Yes!…I just realized that I didn’t live in a dorm any more and that a fridge is a sign of adult hood. I’ll live in some shit suburb like Temple city. or Glendora. As long as I’m near a freeway I’ll be all good.
Look mom, I’m a big girl!