eye contact


Shals heard this great quote that she shared with me tonight, and that I’ve decided to use- or try to use- as a guiding light for my future. “never treat as a priority someone who treats you as an option.” its fitting, and true. Its a perfect new years resolution. People…or boys…or myself..who make me feel the way Brian made me felt are not worthy of being priorities. I’ve made a promise to myself and Jrivera to let Christmas be my last display of generosity of spirit where he is concerned. He doesn’t care. There is nothing he can do to ever show that he will, that he ever has, or that he even does. My soul has been turned away…Which is the weirdest part because its gone, its been gone for a while, its just a habit that I need to break. A proximity infatuation that symbolizes nothing more then a disdain for self. A reckless need…

Z and the fellows have managed to completely revision my relationship with Brian. Not that it matters…Because its my history and I am the only one who can rewrite it. I just thought it was funny. My life isn’t nearly interesting enough to warrant a revisioning. but I guess that is what boys do.

I got my hair done today and it is totally hot…hot because its not all dried and frizzy. I rented the entire second season of The L Word. Don’t get me started on beautiful lesbians. Jennifer Beal’s style in this show is totally hot. Classic. Timeless. I love it. I ordered a pair of boots from exasperated. I’m contemplating Vegas for new years day…Not eve…Day. And I’ve got these next seven days to plan out my first month of school…Totally doable, right? I wonder if tomorrow is too soon to go work out. I don’t want to sweat out my hair but I don’t want to sit on my ass.

I shouldn’t be so scared of eye contact.


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