I just had two shots of tequila that had the most sobering effect ever…and that’s kind of upsetting. We had a dual birthday celebration at work so it was happy hour at Margarita Jones, which meant margaritas, nachos, negro modelos, and a game of quarters that led to shots, the sobering shots, and a rather insulting conversation about religion. Also, I go to check my cell phone a the end of the night and I have a missed call from SU. I wonder what that was about?
I have to admit that I do like the attention I get for being the youngest one in my group of friends. Its rather nice to be a little sister to someone when I am an older sister/mother to so many.
I like to believe that I am a rather tolerant person. Be who ever you want, just don’t be a bitch, and we’re completely cool. Oh, it might help if you’re not a boring bitch, because I almost dislike boredom more then I like bitches. I find myself struggling with the parameters and expectations that are put within friendships. Like the legitimacy of feeling slighted or left out. Its one of those things to work on because while my heart may feel one way my brain has the common sense to says “que sera, sera” (sans accent marks). But i think that is changing about me. I’m measuring value I have for myself and it has to be more then what I feel for others. Its also a matter of actions speaking louder then words. Except for the fact that I get to chose the actions and how they are measured.
For instance, tonight I experienced another one of those very rude attacks on the validity of my faith. I have a very Christian friend, who is of the same faith as my other Very Very Christian colleague who was more then excited to be invited to my baptism though her faith is almost contradictory to my own (but really,what faiths aren’t contradictory or different—if they weren’t, we’d all worship the same and where would be the fun in that?). So I innocently invite him to my baptism because we’re all friends. And he starts asking me all these questions, and responding to my questions that I am a fake Catholic because I can’t tell him which saint you pray to when you travel. I’m sorry, but being able to identify the patron saint of travelers does not measure the strength of one’s faith. Knowing the word and living the word can be two very, very, very different things. And I would trump him with the fact that my Catholic education has been that if you believe in anything its the Eucharist and that God loves everyone…no matter what. We’re all sinners, God loves us anyways, that what makes it great, that’s the central point. I take great comfort in that. No one is perfect, no one is expected to be. Tons of people get the word messed up and use it to hurt people when they shouldn’t. When they are just missing the greater point. And that is what I’ve always been taught in every religion class in undergrad, at every mass I’ve attended, in the catechism classes I take now. The rules we make as human beings are technicalities, the love that is felt for us is what is real. And he kept just shooting down that belief, and going back to the idea of if you don’t believe all of it you’re not really apart of it. I straight up told him that to criticize another person’s faith is completely rude, and at the center of both our faiths is God’s forgiveness and love for all people no matter what. I tell him that this what I learn and have been learning and despite his need “to educate” its not in his place to say whether or not people have thought about these matters simply because they differ in perspective. What makes me a little pissed is that its a personal shot at who I am. Like when people take a shot at a person’s “race” because they don’t fit the stereotype of what they should be (sidebar: I heard one of the few black girls totally advocating for herself against a group of latinos who were totally doing just that today. She was completely handling it in a way that I would have: lay ’em out and show them how they’re own words are ignorant). I remember when I started this whole process back in 2001, Brian’s best friend, who had once been attended seminary but had was then estranged from his faith, said to me “[your faith] is something you’ve got to be willing to die for.” I heard that and I had no idea what he meant. But I get it now. Its not just the faith, its who you. Its who I am and have been for the better part of my life. I have been fortunate enough in my adulthood to have finally found a faith community in which I feel comfortable. What makes me sad is that I will never be able to look at him the same way. Like I will always only look at him as a dick from now on. Not because we have different beliefs, but because he has the audacity and complete lack of social etiquette to think it is appropriate to discredit someone else with his own self proclaimed “moral superiority.” Which is funny, because he doesn’t come off like that at all. Which is funny because it COMPLETELY CONTRADICTS BASIC CHRISTIAN TENANTS OF NOT JUDGING OTHERS LEST YE BE JUDGED. Its funny how people forget little shit like that because they’re too busy quoting biblical scripture to keep their heads out of their asses. Which is what gives the rest of us such a bad name.