Email to Shals

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So i wrote this incredibly long emaill to shals, and decided it would be a lot easier for me to just cut and paste it here then rewrite.

***********
I am sitting in a car dealership where i will be waiting to get my car locks looked at.
They estimate tha I will be here all day long…thank goodness that
they have wireless internet because they don’t realize that I am now
capable of being here for the rest of my life. There is wireless
internet, an In and Out around the corner, and free coffee….I could
move in and live her all night long. Last night KJ and I went to this
bar in Silverlake called the 4100…it was pretty cool. It was a
friend’s birthday and they’re all so nice in just like taking me and
and making me one of the “Bitches.” Its super hot. So apparentlly
hanging out in bars is what young people do. I got my vicodone, I got
my claritin-for the rash on my palms- my car is getting looked at, so
things are starting to look up a bit. I went out last night and only
spent 5 bucks. Sometimes i like hanging out with kj and her freinds more then i
do my coworkers for 2 reasons: a) most of my coworkers are older. like 32+ which
is cool, but their single and older which doesn’t give me hope about
my future. i know some of them are having a great time, but I don’t
want to be single at 36..i told kj’s sister that if i’m still single
at 36 Iwill probably kill myself…she’s like “don’t do it.” but i
feel like it may just be the only option. oh and resaon b) so the
guys are totally sweet, but sometimes it creeps me out how they try to
flirt with me…like yesterday, I got really uncomfortable when my
friend Z was retellling a story about how one time my friend Irene was
drunk and told him he had a large penis for a short guy. And this
other guy that I know is married was feeling my ears…WTF. LIke I
love these guys, but they’re flirting with me and married and i
thinking I’m just pms-ing because I was all wierded out, well not
weirded out but totally reverted to little girl mode to have people
stop fucking looking at me and giving me compliments on my skin….my
friend Z actually asked if he could look at my ass (kJ had mentioned
that i have a great ass…which i do becaue I work out you know) and I
was like “NO! you just have to hang out more…” boys never change.
I love them but wow I’m really grossed out by it all occassionally.
My bartender is still totally sweet and flirty. i was walking to the restroom in the bar and i
stopped to look at him and the oither bartender and he like reached
out and squeezed my hand. he’s cute. i don’t know much about him so
i am spared the agony of having a crush (re: falling in love) like with bean. thank
goodness.

I need to find a new therapist. Sometimes when i see him, he looks
like he’s bored and could be doing something better.

****************

when I say that I am sitting in a car dealership waiting for my car to be serviced, I mean that I am sitting in smooth jazz karmic hell. There is smooth jazz…the worse type of music on earth…being pumped through the speakers, while racist CNN is being played on the tv. I’m being punished. No…I’m not…Yes I am…this is my punishment for not being as deliberate and focused on my lenten sacrafice. Does it help that in no wasteful spending, I’ve actually had to return more then half of those products that would constitute as “wasteful.” This is where I have an issue: I don’t really feel all that guilty about the wasteful spending. I feel guilty about my lack of time spent slowing down and spending time with the beauty in the world. I am not taking care of myself as well as I should be. As much as I go to church and spend time with my friends and talk to my family, I feel like I am completely becoming impoverished spiritually and emotionally because I’m going nuts. I’m really excited that the semesters are almost over. These next two weeks are the busiest but May will be well worth it. I was talking to Kadijah about working in the month of June. There was a bit of confusion about who was coming into play SPED coordinator, me -I’d worked it out with the old coordinator before he left- or Arias- who worked it out with Kadijah whose there now. Arias and Kadijah didn’t realize that I had worked it out with the old coordinator, so we’re double blooked. Bt you know what I reazlied. She can have it. She can work all that time and I’ll come in when ever she can’t. I haven’t taken a vacation in three years. We have these kick ass weekends in vegas that are like summer vacation in concentrate. however I have worked each break since I started this teaching jazz. I am going to take this time off! I am going to fucking take class at UCLA and lay on the beach and dance and work out.

Dear Apple Computer and Apple Corp: Please work out your difficulties and disagreements so that I can down load Beatles songs. I don’t want alot I just want a key few songs. Thanks.

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