brand spanking new


i gotta new vagina…i gotta new vagina! it sounds like i picked it up at a hardware store or something, but its soooo cool and pretty. I just want to show it off to strangers. Adele was amazing, and I don’t know if i just have a high threshold for pain but it didn’t hurt the way one expects. Its like a good hurt. I left the room feeling like I did after I got of the temple of doom ride at disneyland-having a whole new perspective on life. this especially is helpful when russian woman shakes your hand and then tells you to take off your clothes. That’s how I imagine what will happen when i meet marlon wayans, “hi candy. take off your clothes.” i think there is a song like that as well. I would show you what it looks like but…well, that would be inappropriate. Just look at your vagina….now picture it with only a landing strip of hair…got the visual? see how much better life can be? I don’t even know why this is important, but now its as important as getting my hair and nails done. i feel so grown up! yippy! I also got my bridesmaid’s dress from torrid. its a darker green then i expected, but at least it fits. i realized after i ordered it that maybe i ordered too small. it is a little tight around the elastic up top, but better tight then falling off, right. right.


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