are you fucking kidding me?

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I cannot believe it was my first day back. That total attidtude of “are you fucking kidding me” is not towards my actual job, but the fact that I must once again return to work after an extensive break, and am not happy about that one bit! Did anyone else realize that its now summer break!? Its so nice to not do any work and get paid. however, it really is just compensory pay for all the hard work I put in throughout the school year. Anyways…

My kids make this job worth having. They are seriously the best thing about this job…which i guess is pretty good, right! I didn’t realize that I sent most of my kids postcards from Spain, so today was great to see my old kids and they came running up to me all happy like. One kid, Julio, who just puts up a shield to my affection and praise–becuase he’s great– ran up to me and gave me a pretty good hug! And then this other kid Juan ran into tell me about his wild trips around the country unloading other folks furniture. He saw like a shit load of states- even Ar-Kansas…..that’s how he pronounced it, my heart laughed and sang…AR-Kansas, and he liked it! Oh, and then one of my students informed me of the abortion she had the day that she left me message on my cellphone. When I got this message, it went like “Hi Candace, this is……. Call me back at 323 nah, nah, nah” my first thought was, “who the hell do i know named ….. who calls me Candace?” Apparently she had gotten an abortion and called for some emotional support. Oh, I felt bad. I should have called her back. I’m gonna take her for a check up on Monday becuase she doesn’t have a ride…and I don’t want her to die from some wierd ass bacteria septic back up infection ( i just read about that in whichever women’s magazine has Fergie, Duchess of York, on their cover). I love her, I love my kids.

I hate the fucking disgusting room I inherited. I can’t even go into details about the grossness of the room…but I can say that it was not nearly as bad as any classroom I would find at Amanda’s old school, so I will stop complaining. I have had the majority of the same students these last four years, so I took two class periods having my students fix my room with me and just throw a whole bunch of shit away. I’ve even gotten a service student for period 6, some poor freshman who seems geninuenly scared of me. Its been all good so far though. Oh, did I mention that one of my classes is 50% general ed….THE FUCK!? Oh, no I had to get that taken care of immediately after school…because that is not what i teach! those are not my kids…get the fuck out. They were sweet though, but I’m just trying to make it through this week…and next week…and the semester. I’ve been really blessed to land in special ed. I was blessed to land at Franklin…because really, I could think of at least five different situations that I could have been placed in where it would seriously suck.

The first day did go quite well, and I’m really glad that I’m staying in teaching, but this does not mean that I’m ready for tomorrow completely. I met with my therapist right after school..sigh…my therapist, a woman I pay to be my friend. Today she reassured me that it was perfectly okay for me to lose interest in a guy based on the grounds of religion. Oh….stop laughing you! The issue at hand was the fact that he got all slightlyl preachy in his enthusiasm about his religion. Anyone who knows me knows that my faith is a part of who I am…and I’m seriously open to the reality that others find in their faith- you don’t believe, that’s your truth; your a Buddhist, that’s your truth; etc. His truth is that his religion is the only religion that is correct. yeah I don’t even believe that because none of us really know, no matter how many times we read the Bible…because reality sets in and we realize that it is a book written by men whose stories, no matter how created by divine influence, were still influenced by the historical and political context in which it was written. You can read it literally, or or as the greatest story ever told and see the nuances and the literary dimensions to it. Faith can be built out of both…but I can’t talk to people who question evolution and its validity as a part of the creation of man (another “are you fucking kidding me?”). I don’t care that there is a missing link, there are enough links to make me fucking convinced that it is more then well a valid theory. So as much as a gentleman as he comes off…its not enough to make me interested in talking to him again. Speaking of being a gentleman, she kindly reminded me of the point of just because someone is a gentleman doesn’t mean their not an ass…or a pervert…or a serial killer. Ted Bundy. I’m just sayin. But we both agreed that it was great practice for me to display my security in my faith, as well as practicing when and why I am not interested in someone. you know, if he’d never mentioned it…i would probably still talk to him, but now its just dead…dead, dead, dead.

Another thing, i’m now driving around in a chevy truck…a small one, becuase my car is in the shop and that is what ate up the rest of my afternoon. So I will eat my dinner and figure out what I will have my students do for me tomorrow and kick back. hugs.

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