I have no way in which to measure my life that would make sense to the general public. I have no idea where I am going, a pretty good idea of where I’ve been, and the honest personal understanding of just how blessed I am to be living the life that I am. I do, however, have a pretty good context by which to measure my quality of living. I was soooo stressed out the first week of living in this apartment. Not because I was living by myself, but becuase of the general stress of having moved in to an apartment that fucking began to fall apart within seconds of me signing the lease. Fucking apartment. And as I sit in a home that is givin goff the slight “ting-ly” smell of bleach, I can say that this is really the lowest living situation in which I have ever lived. I had very private conversations with my mom during which we both reflected on how, even when we lived in the projects, we didn’t have the same problems that I started off having when I signed the lease on this apartment. NOTHING EVEN CLOSE. My grandmother kept things spotless…constantly. And after having woken up at 7:30 am yesterday to clean the apartment from top to bottom, and tonight taking apart the fucking freezer to find, growing on the freezer floor, something that is akin to spores carrying black death, I am reminded of how I have never lived anywhere like this ever in my life. EVER. we lived alot of places in seattle, we lived next door to a good number of different types of folks with different “degress” to cleanliness…and I have never seen what I saw tonight. I should have taken pictures of it before I cleaned it all up, so just incase I die or get a cold in the next month, I would have documentation to show my doctors. But, I didn’t freak out. I just got on top of it and scrubbed and scrubbed, and bleached, and bleached…and scrubbed with an old tooth brush, until it was 99% gone. On Sunday I didn’t intentionally wake up early, I just kinda did, and I ended up cleaning and mopping……and taking apart my sinks (bathroom and kitchen) so that I could fucking clean the faucet handles and make them sparkle. First the sinks, then the freezer….Lord help me if I have to like fucking remove my cabinets to scrub the walls. Wanna know why I’m so calm? Cuz I’m watching this. Shut up.