This is not my beautiful life…


Being a grown up is quite interesting. Très, très intéressant. I got back late last night, around 10, and had to call in to see if I had to report to Jury Duty or not. I am officially at the age where I have to stuff like that! Granted, my sister had to report for jury duty like two years ago and she’s 16 months younger then me, but still. Luckily I didn’t have to report today, so I stayed up late and watched A&E’s series Intervention…twice! One two hour block at 10pm, and again at 2am. I can’t stop watching A&E, though I have no idea what I watched between midnight and 2am. Anyway, I am again reaffirmed in my sanity and maintain my gratefullness towards having a relative grip on my life. I am very grateful that I surpassed victimizing myself, blaming others for my issues, and basically going ape-shit and throwing tantrums like I am a twelve year old. Its interesting to see how other people react, and in no way do I see myself as a “better” person for having surpassed those emotional pitfalls…I’m just very grateful to have had the background, the support, and have had the practice to how to deal with some of those issues that are overwhelming. Not that I haven’t called home crying many times this fall (at least twice) but, you know, after the tears have cleared, I still have gotten on with my life and dealt with life. I am also very glad that I’ve never experienced anything or anyone that a psychiatrist could label Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Crappers. Or agoraphobia. Or OCD. Or any crippling anxiety disorder that I eventually believe is crippling and am therefore left unable to function in normal society…but am able to shop, shop, shop (one lady last night had a shopping addiction to medicate said disorders). This past month I have been quite sucessfull (re: dealing with them enough to avoid becoming totally, and completely overwhelmed) in matters dealing with money. I got my car fixed (sucessfully avoiding having my tire fall off), I arranged with my credit card company to tackle my huge overlimit in a reasonable fashion, and this morning I called the loan agency that manages my collegiate private loans to discuss payment due dates. Even though one woman I talked to must have been having a bad day and was kinda short with me, I called back twenty minutes later, talked to a completely different woman who was unable to change my payment due date, but was able to assuage my fears that the difference between paying on the 1st of each month (the due date) and the 8th or the 5th of each month (when I get paid) is not enough to put me in the past due category. Whew. I also worked out how much I’ll get paid each month, and how much my bills will be as well. I don’t have much money left over, less the $600 a month, but at least its not zero. And really, I’ll have extra money in December and in January because of extra work and stipends. I’ll just have to be super careful, drive super safe, avoid extra shopping, and start cooking at home the basics that I’ll actually eat…because that’s not so high on my list of priorities. Next year I have to go back to school to tackle my Level 2 credential, which I’d like to do without having to take out a student loan. Luckily next year I’ll also be getting paid just a little bit more, maybe enough more to make it possible for me to pay out of pocket. Its all interesting and scary, and a little sad (I had to cancel my t-mobile hotspot account this morning which saves me like $30 a month and completley changes how I will do work after school from here on out) but everyone has to be 25 once, and these are the things one must go through to survive in the world. I’m really blessed to not be homeless, and to have great friends and family, and to be able to have a job that is not so bad, not bad at all. this is my beautiful life…even if i am currently freezing wherever I go. shalom.

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