i didn’t make chicken noodle soup. What was I thinking? I don’t even eat left-overs so this would be pretty fucking stupid. I’m glad i came to my senses early in the evening. I plugged in my new space heater. i made pasta with hot spicy sausage. And then I realized that my apartment is doing what it did when I first moved in. My mortal enemies have returned-i’ve only seen one which means they’re here–, just in time for me to re-develop my sense of anxiety that I had so lovingly let go in exchange for blissful cleanliness. what pisses me off is that, hello! this place is really clean. the kitchen at least. the living area is a bit cluttered, but i vaccuumed recentlly and I clean all of the time! no surface has any food on it, no food is ever left out in the open. I am on top of that shit. Everytime i open my door I survey the walls, just in case. i can’t possibly have people over now. oh for fuck’s sake.
Cnn.com was filled with bullshit articles about the atrocious acts of other human beings. Like this. Who does this? Or that…who does that? Or the video clip about the man who posted his child for “free” on craigslist because he didn’t want the child to live with his mother any longer? That’s a video, so there is no direct link, but its there. this is going to drive me nuts. do you see what they have done to me…i am now insane.
You know what will make me feel real better…reorganizing my itunes….or not. You know what is intensely wierd? the fact that we’re allgonna have babies someday. Isn’t that wierd? I think it really really is…like I was watching this commercial for that new movie “We are Marshall” –a football movie– and Matthew McConaheughy (?) is holding his kid, and asks him “son, what day is it?” and this kid, toddler age, says “game day.” And Matt asks, “what day?” and the kid says louder, “GAME DAY!” oh how cute is that! Totally cute enough to wipe out memories of crying–no, scratch that—shrieking babies at the store today. But not completely obviously.