188lbs (finaly bought thaat scale)
Today was one of those days where I slept in, hung out, cleaned a bit, went to Target, cooked dinner, and then became exhausted, so i took a nap. My body is conditioned for its 5 o’clock nap. I bought a scale finally, and placed it in the kitchen because the bathroom is too small. I am proud that I got off my butt at 9pm and headed to the gym for an hour and twenty-five minute cardio. I did 25 minutes on the elliptical, and participated in a HI/Low class. this instructor is so awkward. He has these steps that make no sense at all. But i’m at least sweating and moving. I was telling Amanda yesterday of how I need a hobby that keeps me active. I really want to try out tennis, volleyball, or anything that I was told i wasn’t good at when I was a child. or a teenager. or adult. I’m trying to reconstruct my own image of myself. Change the way I think other people are thinking of myself. I still haven’t figured out how to love myself. I am very comfortable living in the void…but am not servicing myself or my spirituality. I don’t want to be dying on the inside, i want to feel alive. I want to appreciate myself and my strength. i should get ready for bed. tomorrow should be better.