the place that cannot exist


i am slightly disappointed in state of ______________. Damn near devastated. I wonder what it would have been like to live during a different time, but I realize that it wouldn’t have mattered. It would all be the same. I don’t know which i prefer better: reality or mystery. I finished reading “Size 12 is not fat” and I found myself enjoying it because it was slightly comical with a clear problem that needed to be worked out. I’m now reading Omar Tyree’s “Flyy Girl” and its too realistic for me to really enjoy. It provides this insight into a generation of families that could be mine…and, it kind of makes me a little sick thinking about it. Its like when I read Terry McMillan’s Mama, which only reminded me terribly about my own mother’s relationship with my grandmother sans alcoholism on my mother’s part. She, like me, has had responsibilities to see to since before she was 21. suffocating. Real Simple has this great article about why wait to be great…be great now. is it possible that I work too much to be great now, but will settle for simply being really good at what i do. Being really good at most things i do. I take these really great naps. Does that count? Does it matter?

when ever i listen to a great piece of music, i realize that what I’m hearing is not the lyrics but the instrumentals that are in the background. If its particularly good, it will give me goosebumps. That’s what happens every time I listen to “You Can’t Stop the Beat” off the Hairspray soundtrack. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I must’ve listened to that song 50 times by now, and every single skin on my arms becomes textured and i’m somewhere else. Being somewhere else has made this the best summer in Los Angeles that I’ve had in a while. It was what made last summer pretty good as well…but that whole teaching thing got in the way. Today we made welcoming care packages for each of our 150 students, then set out in Watts to deliver them all. Apparently we could have stopped working at 3pm (which is what our principal did), but my partner, Elizabeth, and I worked until 4:30, stopped by 18 homes, spoke to 14 parents/guardians/students, and distributed 11 packages. Margaret and her partner, Aldo, pushed through until 5:30 and got them all handed out! I made minestrone for dinner (opened the can and added corn and black beans), at a serving, and still went on to aerobics class to kick some ass. my own ass. Its like homework to me. I can do it by myself and feel fine about it. Its other things that I don’t enjoy doing by myself. i want to go dancing tomorrow at these dancing lessons, and well, i don’t want to go by myself. I enjoy sharing those moments. Everything is better in groups. i want another vacation.


One response »

  1. You’ve been Great in the past, and I know you’ll be Great in the future for the simple fact that you’re Great now. 🙂

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