st valentine’s day

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so, i broke up with my boyfriend. yep, that’s what i did for valentine’s day. no, actually, i just did it right now. i went to work and my pscyh class on valentine’s day. i broke up with Nic the day after valentine’s day. i’m sitting at home waiting for the gas company to arrive so that they can light my furnace…because it may be 80 degrees in the sunshine, its freezing at night. i’ve been thinking about doing this since january, i just couldn’t do it. And then i though that i better i do it before valentine’s day because i didn’t want to mess up a perfectly good celebration of consumerism. we were supposed to get together tonight, however, i also didn’t want some sham dinner knowing that what was in my heart and my mind wasn’t pleasant. so i called him and i explained that i needed to take some time to get myself together, and to develop a love for myself before i could go forward with anyone else. i told him that he’s been great, and very nice, and that it wasn’t him, and that he deserved someone who would treat him better then i have been in these past few weeks. he agreed that things have been tense, and that he too needs to get his life together before he dates anyone. it will be good for both of us to be free of expectations and just focus on rebuilding ourselves. he felt really down earlier this week for not being in a financial place to do things with me- he had to cancel reservations he’d made for our valentine’s day dinner because he is barely scraping by as it is.

this is a good thing for me. i’m not sure what i want in a relationship. i don’t know what i need to be connected to another person. apart of dating nic was more for the appearance then it was for the connection- because we didn’t connect. not after the shiny finish of the new relationship turned dull…there was no connection between the two of us. this is the beginning of jump starting my life.

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2 responses »

  1. From the time we’re born most people start collecting masks to wear that we pick up from family, religious beliefs, and any other plethora of outside influence. However a few of us realize that these masks aren’t us, we have a real face beneath it all and it can be a struggle to drop all the masks and get to our real selves. It’s hard to discern what we really like until we get down to our real selves. You’ll find what it is you really want and want to do. The real you has always been there, and it’s only a matter of time before enough barriers fall til you get fully reacquainted with yourself. 🙂

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