transfiguration

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I went to a great mass on Sunday. It was the first Sunday of Lent, and the focus was on transfiguration (change) and focusing on the recognition of God in in everything around us. It supposed to lift us out of the reconcilative (i just made up a new word)/punative mindset that is often common with the “celebration” of Lent (i.e. denying oneself something in an effort to turn away from sin and towards scripture). The reason I bring this up is because what I gave up for Lent was self doubt and negativity. If i can turn my back on these two personality flaws, then I can turn towards loving myself more and the growth associated with such love. Well, today I got a second chance to test myself on a Ropes course. How does that relate to anything, you ask…well, in November, my staff and I took all of our student to Fulcrum Adventures in Culver City, and participated in a ropes course. When I attempted to do my climb (a rope ladder that led up to a climbing wall) I chickened out at the top of the rope ladder. I’ve been feeling crappy about that for weeks (we did this in early November, and the shame kind of lingered). So, I volunteered to help out a fellow teacher by assisting him on his 3 day field trip in Temescal Canyon. I had no idea what I’d be doing, but I knew I wouldn’t be in Watts, so I jumped at the chance. And as soon as I get there the kids tell me that we’re doing a ropes course! And as soon as we get to the ropes course area who do I see…the same hottie from the Fulcrum Adventures who worked with us in November. There was one particularly hot guy named Mr. Love, whom my staff had teased me about back in November, who was there today! And he brought his brother! OMIGOODNESS. Seriously, thursday was the best day ever. So, I pushed myself…and I didn’t complete the full climb, but I jumped from the top rung of the ladder on both events, so that kicked ass! I figure by the time they become seniors I’ll be able to climb the whole tree and jump like a rock star. I felt like it was a cool blessing to be given this moment to challenge myself again and to seriously feel like a rock star for my small accomplishment. One of my students (who has an IEP) started chanting for me…I could have cried…except I was too scared. I’m afraid of heights.

I almost fell asleep driving back from Temescal Canyon to home. I was so tired. The day wasn’t tiring, I just didn’t sleep well last night. I went to bed thinking about work. I was going to work out tonight but I didn’t get out of my Abnormal Psychology class until 9:35pm. Work has just been draining…and I have so much going on. I’m taking tomorrow evening after work to just finish up things in my life…like applying for post grad, filing my taxes, applying for financial aid, going to the gym, passing out. I may end up going to a coffee shop and doing it all just so I don’t fall asleep in my apartment. It so cold in the outside world! I’m headed to bed…well, to wash up and then to bed!

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