I like how I can read the most recent comments. Papa left this note for me on my last post “‘Sometimes a person needs to get their shit together.’ then the gap will close. :p” He’s totally right. As usual. Today I had the appointment to remove the top row of braces and an appointment with my psychiatrist. I took the whole day off and really used it as a day to get my shit together. I am now the proud owner of a gap-free set of chompers. well, that’s not true, i have two tooth sized gaps from where I will eventually put the bridges, but until then I have a retainer that I have to wear religiously (or better than religiously because we all know that that can mean regular attendance having been few and far between).
After seeing the orthodontist I went up to Franklin High School, my old place of employment. I needed the principal to sign a paper that I will submit to have a huge chunk of my student loans paid for- economy willing. Start praying now folks. I also stopped by to see my old work best friends. Its nice to be so welcomed, its weird to not have much to say. My role is to be the outside listener, the one to whom problems can be told without fear of repercussions from the staff because I will leave. There was a holiday party tonight at a friend’s place, but she lives so far off the beaten path that I didn’t even consider it. Okay, I did consider it, but not seriously.
I made my way to the area where I remembered my psychiatrist’s office being. I thought he’d moved buildings, but it turns out he hadn’t, just floors, so while I arrived in the area early I got to his office a few minutes late. Turns out I was given the wrong type of appointment, so we sped through things and he gave me 8 weeks worth of cymbalta at half the typically prescribed dosage to see if that helps the anxiety go away. He offered to give me a prescription for the anxiety if it is crippling and I can’t do anything, but a) those meds are typically really addictive; b)I seriously believe that in a moment such as that I would have it in me enough to kick myself in the ass and just get it together; and c)if I didn’t have it together enough to do that then I’m sure someone else would. I can’t even imagine myself having such the luxury to have my world stopped by my own inability to function. YOu know what happens when I can’t function…I don’t get paid. And that’s just the start to a long list of shit that would fall apart. Life would snow ball out of control, and really, unlike Ms. Mariah, I can’t put it on hold until I get my shit together. I kind of have to put all my balls into play at once, pray, and rely on my good sense and my good friends.
Again, i only spent maybe 30 minutes working on work on this day off, but I did check out a book from the library. I’ve been waiting for this book for MONTHS! I have a least 5 perfectly good pieces of literature in my bedroom at the moment, and honestly, I am reading Meg Cabot’s “Queen of Babble gets Hitched” like its saving my life. I can’t help it…i love rom-coms.
I’ve spent much of tonight up at Sean’s. He surprised me with dinner and dessert to celebrate Halloween! He got us empenadas (authentic ones, not from TJ’s!), Blood Orange soda, watermelon, and get this, he made chocolate/hazelnut/cashew butter dipping sauce for our granny smith apples. Its a healthy alternative to caramel. That, and caramel is super expensive (he’s highbrow) and he wasn’t down for that. It was awesomely good. We watched a few episodes of season one of 30 Rock- a seriously funny show! I’d never seen it before, can you believe that!- and he told me that he enjoyed watching me laugh. That it was great to see me enjoy myself and that he’d never seen me laugh so hard. I know its hard to be around me when i’m down all the time. i’m glad tonight/today could be my first step to getting things together so that we can enjoy our time together. so that i can be really happy with this really blessed life i have.