Fulfillment

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Happy Easter…and Happy belated Passover.  Sun setting over a lake

I have decided to drop the CS Intro to Computer Science class I’ve been taking from the last 6 weeks.  I emailed the instructor today to petition to withdraw since the last day to drop with a guaranteed W was last Sunday.  I’ve already printed my trade in sheets to mail the textbooks back to Amazon in order to receive a whopping $7.61.  I really need to figure out how to do this a little better, though, I’m sure I am doing it just fine.  The point of this year was less about taking  time to figure out what I wanted to do with myself career wise, and more about taking the time to figure out myself without the pressure of surviving.  We’ve done just fine with Sean’s income and me subtracting funds for bills and community college classes.  This is the first time that I’ve had the space to just stop doing something because I no longer liked it. It is an interesting exercise in self discovery.  Yes, I could do computer programming, I just don’t want to.  I am completely disinterested in that life.  I am strongly drawn towards working with people, even as I try to navigate occasional social anxiety.  I am inspired by my friends Deanna, Angie, and Blair (all photographers!!!) who have spun their passion into something they do everyday.  I love that.  I am still trying to figure that out.  I’ve narrowed it down considerably since September.  I have the time and the space to figure it out, I just need to do it.  That’s the hardest part for me.  Stepping away from what is comfortable (working at 200%, cleaning, reading, perusing the internet) and to do what is uncomfortable (taking the time and space to write, volunteering w/causes I enjoy, going to church by myself) but fulfilling and necessary.   In order to honor taking this step towards developing my interest and self, I will commit to one fulfilling thing to take the place of the class I dropped.   HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmm…..I’ll let you know when I figure it out.   Elana says that I should do things that move me forward towards joy, passion, and fulfillment.  Step 1:  stop running from it.

 

Image: ‘Let Me Fill to the Full of My Heart With …Nothing but my own Depth of Joy….

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