I had a great night tonight laughing and laughing with Lady D and Cousin. Cousin is in town until tomorrow morning to help Lady D after her surgery. Over wings and fries- I am so over fries right now…give me a salad- we shared stories about the funnier moments in education. Lady D also mentioned that her cousin, who is newly single, needed a boyfriend rubric. How apprapo! I have a boyfriend rubric. We created it years ago when I was 25 and dating strangers I met on line. I have to wonder, so many years later, how the man I met at 27 and married at 29 measures up to the standards I set for the potential men in my life at 25. Goodness. I was such a different person then, but my essential being was the same. I am so lucky right now to be doing the things I didn’t even dream of when I was 25. Here we go,
Directions: Rate your mate by how well he fits each category. Be brutally honest with yourself (we were). Add up your score: 12 is the average…anything under a 10 should really probably be rethought.
Looks and Attractiveness 2 Jim Carrey- Average looking dude with okay hair, teeth, hygiene and style
Sean is no Brad Pitt, but Brad Pitt is barely Brad anymore. I love that I look at Sean and think he’s really handsome. I’ve dated my fair share of guys who I liked, but whose looks were not near the top.
Education and Ambition 3 Master’s Degree or a bachelor’s degree that is enough to get him to be the highest in his field; doesn’t own his home, but owns his car. Sean doesn’t have a college education, but he is an elitist at what he does. He owned his car before we donated to charity.
Personality 3.5 Funny, Social justice minded, cares about others; Democrat. Sean is way more liberal then I at times but we respect each other’s politics and the general concern for the well being of others and ourselves.
Treatment of Girl on a Date (life) 4 Bring flowers for no reason; opens doors always; pays for everything when we go out. Sean periodically brings homes flowers for no reason; when we were dating he did this as well. From the bat we made a deal: I would pay for breakfast, he would pay for dinner. Now that we’re a 1.5 income household, we eat in and I cook. I like this arrangement because everything I eat out makes me sick to think of (for the taste, its almost never worth the cost).
For Lady D’s cousin we made a much more specific list of what would be scored as a 0 and what would be a 5 and then we’ll fill in the middle with degrees of specificity. She has things that she’s experienced in the past- like all of us- that she doesn’t want to experience again. This is what I’ve learned from therapy: that little voice inside of you, when your brain is clear and your heart is strong in self love, will lead you down the right path. I reminded her that there were probably times with both of her past loves where she heard that voice inside of her say “run” and she told herself to shut up. We do this as women. We stop listening to our intuition for any number of reasons when really it knows what is good for us. We know what is good for us. I’ll end up typing up our rubric, because sometimes we need a physical reminder of what we know is good for us and from what we know we should run. In the end, rubric or intuition, it will be her choice anyways. It was just really fun to create. I won’t be posting it because its rather specific and possibly very offensive…but real.
**Just in case your wondering, the aforementioned K2 of the blog entry didn’t last very long, but he was a good kisser and had great hands, which went onto be the founding principles in the husband rubric*.
*I don’t have a husband rubric. I do admit that when Sean first kissed me the voice inside of me told me that I would have to trust him and that he would be the last man I ever kissed. He’s an amazing kisser!